Somewhere in the mid 90’s Thom Yorke of “Radiohead”:http://www.ateaseweb.com/ and Chris Martin of “Coldplay”:http://www.coldplay.com/ had a love child, he is the ever posh, generically stylish, effervescently hip, and always charming _nondescript English man._

The Nondescript English Man is a great guy to have as a friend, in fact I’m willing to bet that many of you have a nondescript English man as a friend. That’s the alarming part about the nondescript English man, they are everywhere and everyone knows one. They are just good fun to invite to parties.

It was, in fact, a party where I realized my English friend was a nondescript English man, because standing in front of me at the party was another lanky brit with charming teeth, a pair of diesel sneakers in a zip up turtle neck talking about the latest “Interpol”:http://www.interpolny.com/ album gently spreading his ethnicity like a fantastically woven rug. “look at me,” he seemed to say “aren’t I non-threatening and interesting to listen to? I spell words funny and I have a queen who rules my country.”

*It was someone else’s nondescript English man!*

You might be asking yourself “But Funtime Ben, how would I know if I have a nondescript English man as a friend? Is it just his spelling _color_ wrong?” Well, I’m so glad you asked, here are the some signs that your english friend may be a nondescript English man.

* Is his hair shaved, or cut short?
* Does he wear grey?
* Does he always wear _distinctive_ shoes?
* Does he sport the unshaved look on occasion?
* Does he always know about great bands that you have never heard of?
* Does he wears anoraks, because he comes from BRITAIN?
* Does he Love the British slang (Bloke, Mate, Chip, etc.)?

This isn’t to say that a nondescript English man is any less of a person or a friend, far from it nondescript English men are fantastic friends to have around. They are courteous and give a party a sense of class that it normally wouldn’t have…

let’s face it, if it weren’t for the nondescript English man we would all be nondescript American men/women, it’s like Ying & Yang people…

*Hakuna Matata*

Commitment is going to “IKEA”:http://www.ikea-usa.com/ with your girlfriend (or boyfriend) and shopping for furniture for your apartment. It shows you all sorts of things about your significant other; their style, their taste, their willingness to adapt. It’s a test. A two floor Swedish test with products, that I’m convinced, have subliminal messages in their titles.

*Büyundøbey*

Diane and I broke up twice, had a fight about paper lanterns, decided that a good window covering makes all the difference in a room and still had time for meatballs. The stress of carrying a yellow plastic bag around Elizabeth New Jersey and picking up nicknacks you will eventually discard at the check-out is more than anyone can handle. Combine that sensory overload with people wielding shopping carts like viking hammers and you have the basic gist of the IKEA at exit 13A.

I’m glad to say that we have patched up our differences and will be staying together for the children.

One thing that always makes me feel a little sad is when I see a lost glove or mitten on the ground that somebody has dropped.

I think I should start a “website”:http://glovemuseum.tripod.com/ http://www.lostglove.com/ where people, who have lost gloves or mittens, can search online by location and glove style and be reunited with their handware. It would be really rewarding to know that a glove would have a home again, especially children’s mittens.

It would be like the 21st Century equivalent of a fence… You know when you find a lost glove, you pick it up and put it on a spike of the fence so the person who lost it would be able to come back and find it.

*I Maybe alone on that one.*

I saw this great “illustration”:http://www.andyhowell.com/sketch/image/hersk.jpg on this interesting “website.”:http://www.andyhowell.com/

It immediately made me want to create something of my own, to try my hand at what I saw and take it into my own vocabulary. To let that inspiration create something in my life.

The web is sometimes so cool.

I’ve called it _Blind Optimism_ or _Blissfully Unaware._