Author: Funtime Ben

  • Wig Up the Tree

    Wig Up the Tree

    V: “There is a wig in that tree!” Me: “Where’s the wig?” V: “Right there!” (Points with her middle finger at the tree) Me: “You mean the nest?” V: “Yeah!” (as though saying, “Of course, what else would I be talking about?”) 18 March 2023

  • My Dad’s Heart Surgery

    My Dad’s Heart Surgery

    No matter how you phrase it, heart surgery sounds big. Especially heart surgery, where they replace two valves and part of your aorta. Well, that sounds really big, and in reality, it is. There is no sugarcoating an operation of this magnitude. I find it difficult to confront what I feel. My dad went in…

  • Narcissism


    Julia: “This is cool, I found an account of a woman who studies narcissism on Instagram”Me: “Literally all accounts on Instagram study Narcissism.” This Evening Update: For folks who want to go down my wife’s rabbit hole: You’re welcome?

  • Cute at 45

    Cute at 45

    Del told me a great thing when I first started out at Second City, he was art director. I used to get by winking at the audience in my behavior and making smart jokes. And Del pulled me aside one day, after a show, and said “Some day you are going to look into a…

  • The Spectre of Death

    The Spectre of Death

    My 6-year-old daughter, D, recently went with my wife, J, to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. A Christmas present for mother and daughter. Upon realizing she would not be going with them, my 3-year-old, V, began to cry inconsolably. I whisked her to the Subway as she cried for her mother. To lessen the hurt,…