Categories
Diary

On Having Children

Namely Daughters…

When D was born, I really didn’t have any idea of what to expect. Not only from the experience of childbirth, and a homebirth at that, but of what babies and later kids would mean for my life. I don’t think it is ever possible to anticipate the impact children will have and I, living in the moment, really did little to plan my next steps. Julia and I had our new bundle of joy and as usual, we improvised. At almost four years, D is an amazing little girl who loves all things stereotypically girly.

  1. The color pink in every shade
  2. The movies Frozen or Moana or The Little Mermaid or…
  3. All things ballet
  4. Ghostbusters… all three movies. Yes all three, even the reboot. Not really sure that is girly, but I love it.

As a parent, now of a second amazing daughter V, I can say for sure that all kids are different. The lessons I learned with D are not the same lessons I am now learning with V. I thought I had figured it out, one kid down, I got this, but that is not the case. It is also like every time you think you have parenting figured out, your kids will test the boundaries where you failed to prepare. Kind of like Jurassic Park.

Clever Girl

All that being said, my daughters are the best thing I have ever done. Some folks out there may sneer “YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?” I get it. The idea that my hopes and dreams are projected on these two little girls who haven’t done much of anything at this point. Yeah, yeah. My life shouldn’t be wrapped up in my children. But on the other side, all the parents out there get it. My girls are my everything. They are literally the reason I want to get up in the morning (and often are the reason I wake up at 5:30). Their view of the world is why Donald Trump doesn’t fill me with ongoing fear. My daughters will be president. BOTH OF THEM.

They certainly have the best last name to get them there.

All this is to say, I also blame them for the lack of all my creative inklings. They are where I put all my energy. They are where my podcasts, my writings, my paintings, my doodles, and my dreams lie. Right now all the energy goes to them. But, good news, we will all reap the benefit of these amazing engines of creativity and positivity. Eventually, the compound interest in these wiggly, giggly little bank accounts of humanity will pay out dividends of awesome things. I’m sure of it.

They already brighten my life exponentially, we all just need to be patient.

Categories
Diary

7 Oct 2017

Dear Diary it has been more than 2 years since my last confession.

I have been listening to David Sedaris’ Theft By Finding, which is the first collection of old diary entries spanning 1977-2002. It made me realize I really don’t write as much so used to. Chalk it up to starting a family and having a career, but the writing thing just hasn’t been a priority lately.

Just today I was on my PS4 ready for friends to come online to play some games. I realized that only one person was online and not someone I normally play with. It’s times like these that I wonder if I’m missing something. Is it the Oscars, the Emmys, or do people have actual lives?I feel like I would be the one person playing games as a world war broke loose and would be utterly oblivious to the fact.

If it weren’t for J, I would be far less connected to the world, although her tastes usually center around the deaths of celebrities than truly horrific current events… of which there are tons. I’m often taken aback by how often people in my life, especially those at work love being the bearers of bad news.

“Did you hear, ______” is often the start of a sentence I wish I hadn’t heard.

It’s never “fireman saved a kitten” or “I made lasagna from scratch and it’s in the kitchen!” Instead its something far more… dubious.

Its cliche but true, bad news travels faster than good.

Categories
Diary

Drakkar Noir

When I was in high-school I longed to be sophisticated in the way that all pubescent boys longed to be sophisticated – looking sophisticated to girls. Back in high-school my tools of appearing sophisticated ranged from:

  1. Reading Thoreau’s Walden to look independent and well read, because it was mentioned once on My-So-Called-Life, but hating every page.
  2. Listening to the Pixies which said “here’s a guy who’s part of the counter culture”, when all I wanted to do was listen to Paula Abdul.
  3. Writing for the literary magazine, because I had things to say.
  4. Dying my hair blue, because here’s a guy who looks like a dork, but is inside a punk rocker.
  5. Writing angsty, understanding to feminist ideals, poetry.

In short I was a complete poser. I was trying to please everyone else, because I never truly felt at home in my own skin. I thought what I liked was stupid and so I co-opted the popular alternative lifestyle of the time. Something akin to Jordan Catalano meets Tribe Called Quest frontman Q-Tip. The unfortunate truth is, these two personalities were both completely unconvincing on me. I was that dork who didn’t want to be a dork.

These days, that may be difficult for modern-day dorks to understand, but before the popular culture accepted dorks, they mercilessly hunted us down and mocked us. We were the awkward trailblazers that eventually grew up to run every major corporation and conglomerate. Turned out, while being awkward wasn’t, being smart was pretty cool.

So when unpacking a box of things I had stored before going away to college, I was greeted with a familiar smell – Drakkar Noir. The little black bottle had been sophisticatedly stewing for 17 years awaiting it’s triumphant return to the teenager it had once defined. True to its tough and rugged scent, nothing had changed with the black matte bottle. 17 years and… nothing had changed. It smelled exactly the same as it I remembered.

It, unlike my younger self, was so blindly sure of itself – it remained the same, impenetrable to the years. It was an instant reminder of all my missteps. Hell, it was an instant reminder of the missteps of a generation of pimple-faced boys who simply wanted to be loved and thought a new smell might just be the ticket. So, to all the (now) men who once nervously visited a drug store and had an employee open a glass case to purchase a bottle of Drakkar Noir, instead of condoms, I raise my glass of Malbec* and solute you. All us dorks salute you – smelling all the sweeter.

*It is actually Pinot Noir, but the similarity was too much, even for a blog post.

Categories
Diary

A Changing Life

It is truly interesting the way that my life has changed in the last few years and as I continue to think about how I have grown, I realize I have neglected parts of my life in exchange for other parts. Like this journal, for example, has been here since I graduated from college, or shortly thereafter, and I rarely look at it now. This is a shame because I often wish I had a place I could write down my thoughts. Where is my diary? Not really sure, but I kind of feel I should be recording this stuff somewhere.

Categories
Diary

Dear People Who Suck,

The other night I was at a bar in Queens for a friends birthday party. I was my usual jovial self and was making rounds saying hello to strangers and such when I sat down next to my friend. We got to catching up and then all of a sudden some guy, a friend of my friend, sits down next to us. I knew immediately I didn’t like him. He was shifty eyed and seemed for lack of a better word like he was trying to impress by pointing out all the ways he could be violent to people who had crossed him.

For all those keeping score out there, I do not enjoy people like this and more so because well quite frankly he sounded like an asshole. My friend then mentioned that my wonderful girlfriend was moving in with me at the beginning of April. This is when, I will call him Turd, Turd decides to go on a tirade on how women are terrible and suck the life out of you.

“Oh, don’t do that. If I could take back my relationship I would.”

This post is to express to all of you people who feel the need to put your horrible relationships, the relationships you are in because you are a weak and incapable of being proactive in your life, on us people with relationships that work. While he was going off about how women are terrible, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I am to actually like my relationship. If it’s so bad Mr. Turd, why the hell are you in it? RIGHT?!

And so I speak to all you people out there look at your relationships and if you hate them, either fix them or leave them, but don’t put your relationship on other people because quite frankly it makes you sound sad. I have news for you, relationships,marriages , and friendships should make you feel great, not horrible. But some people have lost sight of that fact. So I urge you all to say, next time you are around someone is is bringing you down…

“Dear people who suck,

No thank you.

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn’t”

Categories
Diary

Let’s Get Serious for A Moment

Phot by <a href=

As many of you know, I have been taking classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre and performing comedy in New York for the last two years. I’ve stayed mostly quiet about this because, well, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with comedy. You guys all know me as the funnier half of Tracks Up The Tree (BECAUSE I AM THE FUNNIER ONE), but I haven’t really talked about my comedy on this site. Until now.

I’ve realized that comedy is one of the few things I really enjoy doing (other than needlework) and I have been purposefully avoiding talking about it. Partly because I have seen comedy as a hobby as way to pass the time between painful relationships, but also because I didn’t really know where my comedy fit into my life.

So the other evening, I realized that I want to talk a bit more about what I’ve been doing on this website. Talk about the projects I’m working on, write a bit more about what it’s like being a performer in New York, and let you all in on what I have been doing with my life for the past 2 years. In short, up the tree is going to be my weblog again. I will be posting more about my life and less about the stuff I never wrote about before. Sure I will talk about music and the podcast will continue with it’s same irregularity, but from now on Up The Tree is all about me – a performer, designer, and generally dreamy guy in New York.

…and needlework.

Categories
Diary

The New Gym

So I rejoined a gym after a very long time, right across the street from my new office. I’m excited to finally get back in shape and loose some of those summer pounds. Summer pounds? You heard me right, I put on some weight during the summer. I’m not sure if it was because I really did nothing summery all summer, or because I found out how much I love Netflix on demand with Rocky Road on demand, but I’ve got a spare tire the size of a spare tire.

Fo’ reals

The most depressing thing so far has been the calorie counting food log my temporary personal trainer is making me do. I say temporary because I really can’t see having a personal trainer for an extended period of time — the gym is expensive enough without having to pay a lady with a thick neck $160 additional a month. I write what I eat and the approximate calories. This has made eating food like a game of Battleship, where each carrot stick brings me closer to sinking my own… battleship. The unfortunate part it has made eating annoying. I don’t always want to do calculus every time I want put something in my mouth.

So as much as I would love to keep a lady on my beck and call, especially for those moments when I need to open a particularly stubborn jar of pickels, I think she’s history after the first month. Plus she might say something about the on demand Rocky Road.

Categories
Diary

I am so fed up with you

A Pink & Leopard Print Blizzard

Yet again, I have been struck by a cold/flu thing that has prevented me on releasing the next podcast. It’s all recorded, I just need to stick around after work and edit it up… and being sick like a dog, my first instinct after work is to get the hell out. But let me assure you it’s coming.

I seriously need to buy some zinc or something, because getting sick twice in a season sucks… really.

I am so looking forward to Spring, I could cry. I hate my big jacket, my scarf, my hat that makes my hair stand up in crazy directions. Please go away Winter, I am so fed up with you.

Although taking pictures of you is pretty sweet.