Nondescript English Man

Somewhere in the mid 90’s Thom Yorke of “Radiohead”: and Chris Martin of “Coldplay”: had a love child, he is the ever posh, generically stylish, effervescently hip, and always charming _nondescript English man._

The Nondescript English Man is a great guy to have as a friend, in fact I’m willing to bet that many of you have a nondescript English man as a friend. That’s the alarming part about the nondescript English man, they are everywhere and everyone knows one. They are just good fun to invite to parties.

It was, in fact, a party where I realized my English friend was a nondescript English man, because standing in front of me at the party was another lanky brit with charming teeth, a pair of diesel sneakers in a zip up turtle neck talking about the latest “Interpol”: album gently spreading his ethnicity like a fantastically woven rug. “look at me,” he seemed to say “aren’t I non-threatening and interesting to listen to? I spell words funny and I have a queen who rules my country.”

*It was someone else’s nondescript English man!*

You might be asking yourself “But Funtime Ben, how would I know if I have a nondescript English man as a friend? Is it just his spelling _color_ wrong?” Well, I’m so glad you asked, here are the some signs that your english friend may be a nondescript English man.

* Is his hair shaved, or cut short?
* Does he wear grey?
* Does he always wear _distinctive_ shoes?
* Does he sport the unshaved look on occasion?
* Does he always know about great bands that you have never heard of?
* Does he wears anoraks, because he comes from BRITAIN?
* Does he Love the British slang (Bloke, Mate, Chip, etc.)?

This isn’t to say that a nondescript English man is any less of a person or a friend, far from it nondescript English men are fantastic friends to have around. They are courteous and give a party a sense of class that it normally wouldn’t have…

let’s face it, if it weren’t for the nondescript English man we would all be nondescript American men/women, it’s like Ying & Yang people…

*Hakuna Matata*


4 responses to “Nondescript English Man”

  1. I don't have a nondescript English man friend, but now I wish I did.

  2. I am that man — except for the anoraks.

  3. There are posers out there who are American; they call themselves "indie," we just know they're pseudo-nondescript english.

  4. It's been too long…please write another post. :O