Recently, while out playing pool, I asked my college chum Isaac what I should do about the tall handsome man playing pool with my girlfriend. His response was correct and right to the point, “stop being so insecure.” It had nothing to do with the guy, but more my trigger-happy insecurity complex. Of course a gay man does a much better job of rationalizing a leering man with my girlfriend than my straight friends, who would have said “kick his ass.”
So when Diane asked me last night if we would still be friends if we broke up, I was a little taken aback. You want to know what, if what? How would you take it? My impression was there were some between the lines reading I should be doing… It turned out she was doing a little thinking about my past girlfriends which have all lead to non-friendships. Not that I planned not to talk to my ex’s, but the opportunities just didn’t make themselves apparent… I also think Diane would be a little adverse to me hanging out with any women I have seen naked…
*I know I am*
We got into the obligatory conversation about the future, where she defended her question. I asked if there was anything I should be worrying about. She replied she was just curious. I asked if I should have any packaging materials on hand. She said no. I guess I am thick headed, it’s just that if I ask to a girlfriend if we can be friends after we break up, it’s because we are at that moment breaking up. I think that’s pretty universal for guys, there’s not too much sub-context with us.
*Hey, I like you. You like me?*
Not that what we guys do is the epitome of romance, or forward thinking, but we are easy to understand. You just have to _dumb it down a little_ to understand the subtleties. It’s like listening to Frank Zappa, you have to turn off the side of your brain that does the thinking and relinquish the part of the brain that enjoys _fluffernutters._ See, now wasn’t that easy?