It’s Not Phair

Intrigued with the prospect of a new Liz Phair album coming out _(June 24)_, I decided to pop my ass over to the “Capitol Records”: website to see if they had any samples. You know, to wet the appetite as it were.

*Boy did they.*

3 tracks later, I sat in front of my computer, mouth open, disbelieving my own ears. Is this the woman I had a crush on back in junior-High? Was this the woman whose lyrics were so overtly dirty it made your 15 year old cheeks blush? Yes they were. Unfortunately, the record industry has gotten ahold Liz and turned her into a perfectly recorded, highly polished, and utterly uninteresting “female vocalist.” Yes you heard me right, Liz Phair has officially sold herself out to the suits.

*Hello Avril, I would like you to meet your clone.*

It wasn’t so bad when it was Jewel, I didn’t like her music anyway, she became pop without much work, but leave Liz out of this. What happened to the “Blow Job Queen?” Well she’s gotten older, had a baby and somewhere along the line she allowed a “producer” to produce her album and let record execs tell her that they “undersand the kids.” They have moved her from the Alternative to Pop.

*Angry is in.*

On _Whitechocolatespaceegg_ it looked like Liz had left the angry music behind, that she had grown up, and in a sense moved past that time in her life. It was a relief for me, because I had also moved past that angry time in my life. Now she’s back being bitter and angry accept now she’s 36 and I, for one, would like to see Liz get her life together. She’s singing songs that could come out of an 18 year old and could easily have been recorded by Avril Lavigne. Liz’s songs sound like they were written for her, not by her.


bq. I’m sorry Liz, this relationship is unhealthy for both of us, I think it is better we not see each other anymore and I would appreciate you not write a song about it. Thanks.
_-Funtime Ben_

*I am no longer a fan.*


4 responses to “It’s Not Phair”

  1. relife? Lavene?

    Anyway, spelling mistakes aside ;) I never listened to Liz's music. I guess I'm not missing much.

  2. Damn Spellcheck!

  3. astute observation, ben. i heard liz had hooked up with the song writing people "the matrix"… same as avril. hmm… lots of people are agreeing with you for what it's worth. we've come a long, long way from "flower." liz phair has finally sold out.

  4. oh, and the *whole* cd is like that. it's terrible. with the possible exception of "white hot cum" or "hot white cum", whatever it's called. but by that point in the album, it just seems like she's trying to hard, and saying "hey!! remember when i used to be cool!? i still can be sometimes!!" but not.