Little Schemer

Now, I’m not one of those screw the system, give it to the man, rebellious types. I’ve never been the guy who got the watch free because of the promotion. Never knew somebody who knew somebody. I always pay retail, not because I want to, but because I have to. I even have trouble accepting free samples from people on the street corner. I’m kind of a docile little chap, brought up by a very polite English father and one hell of a German Mother. Don’t get me wrong, I can assert myself if I have to, but often I don’t have to… I usually never have to… I put myself in places where I don’t have to.

I deplore confrontation.

This being said, I’m not a moron and I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth… whatever that means. I purchased a coat two years ago from Lands End, after my roommate Rob had purchased it, because I was so impressed by an all down reversible jacket for $68. Rob, of course, had purchase the best color, yellow & black, and I was left with an all right color combination of olive & black. The color had always bothered me. The olive was really dark and basically looked black in most lighting situations and didn’t have the same punch Rob’s had. The reversibility was basically lost.

I had stuffed the coat away in storage all summer, intending to forget all about it and just buy the latest model when the winter struck. Typical American disposable culture I guess, but then it got cold (and cold fast), I panicked and donned the jacket to stave off frostbite. The utility of the jacket had won over the selfish regard for style I had imposed.

There I was, once again wearing the hideous jacket.

On my way to work a week ago, however, as I unzipped my pocket to get access to my gloves, the stitches gave out on my pocket zipper. Crap. Now I had a hideous broken jacket. Well, at least I could buy a new jacket without feeling completely guilty. Unbeknownst to me, Lands End, much like their competitors, L.L.Bean, offer an unconditional return policy on all of their products. If you are not satisfied, in anyway, by their products you can return them for a refund or replacement. I had figured that two years was too long to take advantage of this guarantee, but as I was ordering the new jacket, my sales person said, "oh, we can replace that no problem."

I was shocked. More because the sales person had suggested it than anything else. With a few questions they had sent a brand new jacket, in a completely new snazzy Orange & Dark Blue color, for me and their only request was the previous jacket to be returned. I didn’t technically get anything for free. I didn’t technically get any promotion. No "Man" was screwed, but sometimes…

Sometimes you are reminded that not everybody sucks.

The image above is a digital representation of me from in the demi-ass-cover model I received


7 responses to “Little Schemer”

  1. i made rob wear that coat for the first tme today….and his is very bright….glad you have a new one on the way!

  2. I'm sorry, but your story leaves me unsatisfied. Are we to conclude that you are simply being supplied with a brand new punchless olive and black reversible parka? Or is it implied that your new jacket is a snappy red, and is one of those demi-ass-cover models, as pictured?

    And what is up with those arrows? Do they represent some kind of dance step? Does this have to do with your German mother?

    Thank you for your time.

  3. Point taken.

    They did in fact send me a completely new jacket, as my revised blog now mentions. The little faceless guy at the bottom of the entry is from

    The arrows on the website turn the little digital guy around, on my blog they do absolutely nothing. By a strange twist of fate they also explain "You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out." of the hokie pokie.

    You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out.
    You put your left foot in and you shake it all about.
    You do the hokie pokie and you turn yourself around.
    That's what it's all about.

    Strange that.

  4. Oh, and yes it is one of those, as you so eloquently put it, demi-ass-cover models. But the last jacket was a demi-ass-cover model as well, so no real advance there.

  5. Nice. And how cool of Land's End to switch it for you.

    But you have to admit it'd have been more striking in the yellow and black, eh? :)

  6. Screw the jacket – check out the creepy anti-mannequin…stare at him for a bit…he's all "take me to your master"…I think someone should feed him soon…

  7. You want to be afraid? Check out this disturbing image of a virtual me with nothing on, but the coat.

    Sean calm yourself