Today was my semiannual checkup/results from blood test. For all the things that were right (I’m not dead), there were quite a few things that needed some work. The biggest of the things that need work? My cholesterol.
Welcome to your 30′s.
Once you hit 30, shit changes. Hardcore. When I was in my 20′s I was like “This is how it’s always going to be, pass the deep-fried butter pats!” but now I’m eating hummus with carrots. CARROTS PEOPLE! I thought they were only used to stuff up animal’s rectal cavities or used to flavor gravy. I look at people like Paul Westerberg and am like, what am I doing wrong? He had is blood replaced like 5 times by the time he was my age and I bet his knees don’t click when he goes up the stairs!
So all of this is further evidence that while I feel like a idiot child, I am in fact becoming a geezer who will shortly understand the allure of Matlock and early bird specials.