Category: Everyday

Following up on my entry about my peanut butter that talked my knife into cutting me, (One of my most commented entries ever!) I found an article in the New York Times about why inanimate objects attack. I would say more, but I’m sensing my keyboard is annoyed.

Convinced that the pirates as weathermen thing was funny (and I’m brilliant), I have spent a little more time… improving the point. I’m not going to move on with my life until someone out there laughs at my joke. (I’ll also take a chuckle, or giggle.) In the meantime, please enjoy some pirate jokes. and today…

When I was younger, 8 or 9, I used to think that mayonnaise had some sort of preserving feature. I thought people smeared that disgusting white stuff all over their sandwiches because it protected the bread from getting soggy from the tomato. It was like bread paint. A protective barrier, if you will. When I…

Have you ever almost cut off your index finger with a serrated knife, while trying to cut stale bread, to make yourself a mid-afternoon peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with peanut butter you just found from 3 months ago? ow.

It’s eerie how much today was like that day. It was bright, beautiful, and cool, just like today. I struggled out of bed into my living room and turned on some morning news program, as was my custom at the time. Every morning the same cheery cast of characters told me banal stories that had…