West Side Living

Well, the flight was unremarkable, we didn’t crash and Florence Henderson didn’t speak jive… Which I am thankful for. We flew on JetBlue, which was great and arrived in Oakland right on time. Diane’s friend Toni picked us up at the airport, again right on time and we drove to her apartment in sunny _Walnut Creek_ California.

Sounds perfect right?

That’s just the problem! Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me trying to find faults in everything, or perhaps the cynical Metropolitan who can’t trust in the kindness of strangers, or even perhaps that I may be a complete asshole and need to return to my therapist, but everything here seems a little too perfect. Not a cloud in the sky; not a chance of drizzle; not a frown in site. Everybody’s happy, affluent, and white.

Even the mosquitoes are picky about who they bite.

It’s kind of like when you visit the zoo and you see the lemmings in their “natural environment” and everything looks kosher, but something about it just seems a little bit off. It might be the cracking paint, or the dead trees with plastic leaves, or the outline of the door in the far off mountain ranges. I feel like the lemming. A lemming in the wrong display.

I’m expecting a handler to give me a banana at any moment.

I will report back at my next base camp and tell yall where I’m at in my anthropological studies of the West Coast. So for now, Funtime Ben signing off.


4 responses to “West Side Living”

  1. Dude, what tha fizzle my nizzle? You drop down in the Bay Area and you don't even bother to stop by and say hi?

    Plus, you ended up stopping here during the week of the best weather we've had in almost a year. It's the first time I've been able to go out without a jacket in a long time.

  2. Diane Avatar

    I don't know what Funtime Ben is in a huff about. We've got sun, a pool, cool breezes, warm breezes, sun, iced lattes, Birds of Paradise, sun. Golly, sun rocks.

  3. Yeah, Ben, listen to your girl, yo!

    Birds of Paradise?

  4. I say hi all the time my nizzle. I actually never thought to plan ahead so Diane and I are kind of heading through Cali as the wind may take us.

    Nothing personal Naaman! You are my brother and I shall always represent.

    The weather here is gorgeous and I am going over to the pool right now to live a lifestyle I have not yet grown accustomed to.