Advice on Tips

Hey. You. Yeah, you. You know what you did. Oh what’s that? You’re not from ’round here? Mmmm. Well. You still know what you did.

“Everything was great. We had SUCH a wonderful time…”

That’s not a tip. That’s a compliment and you know it. Nothing like the “Tip You With A Compliment” tip.

“Zis es SUCH unt vonderful place! Here es unt 9 percent tip vor such unt vonderful service!”

Yeah. Stop playing the “We don’t tip in my country so they must not tip in yours” card.

Waiters live off tips. At least in America. I find it hard to believe that in this information age people are still in the dark about how much to tip your server. So here it is: We make $4.85 an hour. That’s right. Less than 5 friggin’ dollars. We live off of tips. 20% is the going rate. Granted, if your server sucks, tip less. But keep in mind how very little we make by the hour and also keep in mind that the whole staff is probably sharing tips so when you leave a crappy tip, it’s a bad tip for everyone working.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, but at my particular restaurant we have to “suck up” to the customer no matter how crap-ass the tip is. And we aren’t supposed to confront the customer even if they leave one dollar on a 500 dollar bill. That gets a bit annoying. Like a big zit on the side of your face ready to pop. But you’re not allowed to touch it.

Here’s a quick and easy way to figure a good tip:
(First off, don’t just “double the tax” to get the correct amount. That’s about 15%. Boo. None of that.)

If you want to leave a good tip take the full amount (let’s say $100.00 to make it easy) and move the decimal over one space to the left (giving you $10.00) and then double THAT amount (giving you $20.00). Easy. There’s your 20%.

Waiting tables is a hard, demanding job. And don’t you realize that we are handling your FOOD?! Why would you be an asshole to someone deciding the fate (and CLEANLINESS) of your food?

Like I’ve said before, if EVERYONE on earth had to be a waiter for at least a month, the world would be a wonderful, peaceful, respectful place.


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