Hold the Mayo

When I was younger, 8 or 9, I used to think that mayonnaise had some sort of preserving feature. I thought people smeared that disgusting white stuff all over their sandwiches, because it protected the bread from getting soggy from the tomato. It was like bread paint.

*A protective barrier, if you will.*

When I later learned that is was smeared on sandwiches for flavor, I was utterly at a loss. Why would you voluntarily smear an opaque gel across you perfectly tasty sandwich? For years after I forbade it from ever touching a sandwich of mine. Finally, at age 14, I accepted mayonnaise into my life, because I discovered the joys of Ham & Swiss.

Now, I enjoy a little mayo on my sandwiches. A splash of the low fat variety, is a treat I do indulge in. I’m not a over-indulger by any means, if I take a bite of a sandwich and mayo begins to squirt out the other side… I have to perform a moyodectomy (smear the excess on the bag).

Funilly enough, it was when I was 18 I realized, from a lengthy examination of a “Hellmann’s”:http://www.mayo.com/ bottle, that mayo also doesn’t contain dairy. I just assumed. White stuff, other than “Fluff,”:http://www.marshmallowfluff.com/ equals some sort of dairy product. It doesn’t.

*I checked.*

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