Month / February, 2003

I have Tea Alzheimers

# boil water
# open tea bag
# put tea bag in cup
# pour water on tea bag
# -pour in milk-
# -drink my cup of tea-

Instead, I just walk away and let that baby steep and steep, forgetting I ever made a cup. Maybe I’m the first tea liberationist.

… or maybe I have the attention span of a fruit fly, _whatever._

A Worktime Friend

The mouse behind my desk

I have a hole in the back of my desk that all the wires of my computer come up out of. Recently a mouse has also been coming up out of the same hole. It shits on my desk, but who can complain with such a face.

*I think I shall call him Reggie.*

Postcards From The Edge

A Postcard from Diamondhead Hawaii

Postcards from people from Hawaii _(or other tropical climes)_, no matter what the context, makes me want swift vengeance.

_I think this means I need a vacation._

Friday Whopsies part 2

I met the Diane at “Mexican Radio”:http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7109134/ she was sitting at the bar reading _The Lord of the Rings_ and had started the first of her Margaritas. The bar sits on the left hand side of the restaurant, behind it a tall indie rocker bartender with tattoos was gently cleansing beer glasses. Being Friday the bar was packed with people, in various stages of their evenings, all talking in a register slightly too loud for general conversation.

A frothy one

*And so it began.*

Little Mexican advark light statue

We spent a good amount of time there, laughing in the glow of tequila and blended fruit juices. We drank and drank ignoring our inner voices which desperately asked for nourishment other than in that found in liquor. Diane’s boss, who was also at the restaurant came by and bought us a round that pushed our bodies over the edge. 4 beers and 2 margaritas later the two of us, wrapped in oversized puffy jackets, spilled out onto Cleveland Place holding onto each-other for support and warmth and quickly made for a small Italian restaurant on the west side called Little Frankies.

_DISCLAIMER: I was a little buzzed and Diane was a little buzzed, but the events that followed are represented here to the fullest of my recollection._

We walked in off the street. large groups of people outside were waiting for tables and the place was pretty crowded. We waited to be helped… No help came… We waited a little longer… I was hungry and there was no host to be seen to give as much as our name to. I went into the restaurant and asked one of the waiters “is there some sort of list I might be able to put my name on?” Yeah he replied and asked another waiter where JESS was. The other waiter being surprised by the question immediately said “I don’t know, maybe outside or something’.” I walked dejectedly back to Diane, still no further along in my quest for even so much as a _garlic knot._

A woman in red, who I assumed was the mysterious host came out of the back-room and sauntered towards us stopping mid-stride to turn back to the kitchen to bum a cigarette off the busboy. By now another couple had walked into the restaurant and was waiting next to us. We both waited for service^1^. She came back to the front of the restaurant and this scene ensued.

bq. WAITRESS “This way please.”
the waitress gestures to the couple.
DIANE “Excuse me. Unless I am mistaken, we were here before this couple.”
MAN “Oh, we were here before and were waiting outside.”
WOMAN “Yeah we were outside.”
DIANE “Okay, I didn’t know about that.”
WAITRESS “You are very mistaken.”
DIANE “FLIP this noise, I am leaving little missy.”

And so out into the rough streets of manhattan we were thrust again. Diane was at this point pissed and would have, if the opportunity presented itself, kicked the waitresses ass old time Italian style. We were at this point hungry and dejected. We struggled to come up with a secondary plan, but our minds had affixed themselves around fried calamari, as they sometimes do.

*But where, we asked ourselves, where?*
TUNE IN TO PART 3 OF THE ONGOING SAGA FRIDAY WHOPSIES.


^1^ By *SERVICE* I mean the type of work done for others as an occupation or business.

Friday Whopsies.

It look as if Funtime Diane has had one heck _(insert appropriate profanity)_ of a day.

TO EXPLAIN I have been a lump lately, with the _Blizzard of 03′_ and a general malaise of inactivity, my laundry had reached the _no undies phase._ (Not the sexy _no undies phase_, mind you, but the _have even run out of even the tighty-whitey phase_. Yeah… shameful) So, on the risk of missing important phone messages, I curtailed it over to the local Laundromat during work hours for some _fun time suds em’ ups (way ups)._ My escape was a brief one, where I diligently and obsessive compulsively washed all the old set in stains that not even your loving mother would have touched.

Before I had left, I received an e-mail from my dearest Funtime Diane:

*From:* Funtime Diane
*Date:* Fri Feb 21, 2003 2:54:00 PM America/New_York
*To:* Funtime Ben
*Subject:* cheer up time em ups

i could sure use some pictures from your collection to cheer me up. got any good stuff?

xd
_________________________________________
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(By “your collection” she meant digital photos from my new ultra slick digital camera) (or so I assumed)

I sent off the photo and went, forthwith, to the Laundromat and when I got back I decide, as every good boyfriend should, to give her a call to see how she was doing. She tells me on the phone, in no uncertain terms, that she wants to go out for Margaritas after work, instead of her customary Yoga. This means she has had a very frustrating day… I just realized, if I write any more of this I will be late to see her… so, I got to go.

Sorry this entry doesn’t make sense, but it was going to be really great… and it might still.

Snow in New York

AS A RULE: Snow in New York City doesn’t stay white for very long… _If at all._

Snow days in New York are really only cool, if you aren’t working. Otherwise, they are a recurring reminder that being a kid was, in fact, the best time of your life and you were an idiot to want to grow up.

The city is a turbulent nightmare of slush and ice now. The cheery guise of comradeship that New York, as a city, could weather the _Blizzard of 03′_ is gone. Most New Yorker’s have reverted from their cheerful _snow day dispositions_ to a more common _asshole in slush_ mode. I don’t think New Yorkers can really enjoy anything that impedes their normal day to day lives. Snow is fine, in the eyes of a New Yorker, as long as it stays in fuking Vermont where it belongs.

*Snow, or slush as the case may be, is the great equalizer.*

Slush doesn’t care if you are wearing $30 all weather moccasins from _Lands End_ or bullshit $450 _Prada_ running shoes, your feet will get wet and your austere exterior will be shattered by your sudden look down at your little piggies.

*It does, however, wreak havoc on the food delivery business… _and that’s a shame._*

A pile of snow near Chinatown

Back in the saddle

Howdy online friends and family. It has been a while since I had the time and the gumption to write an actual post on this blasted information super-highway.

bq. SPEAKING OF WHICH, what ever happened to the _Information Super-Highway?_ The description for the internet has disappeared for what i can determine must have been the simple fact that not everybody thought it was that _super_. The phrase reminds me of the late 90′s when people thought the internet was super-keene and couldn’t wait to get their ass on it. _I think they later found it wasn’t as exciting as people made it out to be._

*The snow is all over the streets here in Manhattan.*

Union Square West

People are making valiant attempts to conquer huge drifts of now and huge piles of plowed slush. I myself have felt the cool reminder between my toes that I am susceptible to the elements.

bq. I have been busily updating the back-end of this website to such an extent that no one should be able to notice the new enhancements I have made. It struck me, after I just wrote the last sentence, that I updated my website design solely for myself. On this realization I decided that I have to read more often, knit more often, and above all stay away from redesigning this site… but being a graphic designer, you can expect a redesign somewhere in the next few weeks. Well, a website or a homemade scarf. _Either or really._

On the sunny side of things, Diane and I went to prospect park yesterday, during the big blizzard, and bravely slid down a hill on newly purchased fluorescent orange *Big Foot* discs. Through our many attempts down the _slope_, we found that running and jumping onto the disc stomach first was the technique _de jour_. We nicknamed the haberdasher style of sledding the _tummy first_ method. I, unfortunately, didn’t take any photographs of the event, only because I JUST got a digital camera last friday and knew I would manage to loose it in a snow drift. They have yet to build an electronic device that is _Funtime Ben proof_.

*There is something refreshing about a hill full of people all holding various colors of oval plastic discs getting along together in peaceful teeth-chattering harmony.*

I think we need to get Saddam, Osama, and George Jr. on a hill in Prospect Park, give them each a fluorescent orange disc and in an hour I bet most of our problems with each other’s countries would be a thing of the past. All you need in life is a good _snow day_ to make everybody happy.

*Plus, seeing George Jr. eat a snow bank would make everybody feel a little bit better.*

Question Time Again

Am I the only one who thinks that all this paranoia about High Threat warnings from the government is just another way to scare the “United States people” into thinking war is a good idea?

Nice try George.

To the guy at Bar

I can hear you. The whole bar can hear you. And I’m very certain that your white-hat friend one foot in front of you can hear you.

Now, can you please shut up.
_Thank You_